I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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