the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
