It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
