Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
