im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize