last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
