Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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