I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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