is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
