DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
