Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
