he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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