I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just want nice things and good sex
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
