I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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