Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize