This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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