God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
