My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
