just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
