I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
