there's paper in my vomit.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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