wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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