He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
