You're my little dorito
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
