Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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