to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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