she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
