How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
