My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
