I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
ttyl tear gas
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize