Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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