This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
