Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
