White coat. Heels.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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