we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
