how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
