i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
