so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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