I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
