Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
