Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
