Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
