there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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