How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
