oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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