the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
