so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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