I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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