someone threw a dead crab at me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
