Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Well I just put wine in my tea
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
