Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
