So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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