You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize