Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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