The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
