well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
third nipple confirmed
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize