i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
