exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
