puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
