so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
