did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
