12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
