My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
