he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Found your dick twin last night
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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