So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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