I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
