maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
