Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
