he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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