like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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