Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
