if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
