we're blogging at a bar
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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