You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
