Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
