I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize