remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
They took my balls.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
