Your dad touched me again.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
