I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Even my vagina gasped.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
