Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
