just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
