Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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