Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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