he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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