Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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