I feel like abortions should bother me more
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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