are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
