I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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