well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
