census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
