It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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