you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
