There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
