apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
