Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
