12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
