My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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