How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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