i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
