We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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