Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
