I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
